The Big Bad Book of Bill Murray Page 6

  CRADLE WILL ROCK

  DIRECTED BY: Tim Robbins

  WRITTEN BY: Tim Robbins

  RELEASE DATE: December 10, 1999

  FILM RATING: **

  MURRAY RATING: **

  PLOT: A loose dramatization of events surrounding the Federal Theater Project’s controversial production of a pro-union musical in Depression-era New York City.

  STARRING BILL MURRAY AS: Tommy Crickshaw, Commie-hating vaudeville ventriloquist

  Fresh off his paradigm-shifting performance in Rushmore, Murray again put on his sad clown face for a featured turn in this politically charged period piece from director Tim Robbins. Playing a forlorn ventriloquist with a hatred of “Reds” and a weakness for the bottle, he is one of the only actors in the film unburdened with having to portray a historical character. Costars John Cusack, Rubén Blades, and Angus Macfadyen impersonate Nelson Rockefeller, Diego Rivera, and Orson Welles with varying degrees of success. Murray makes the most of his limited screen time, but his character turns out to be utterly tangential to the plot, and the overstuffed film creaks under the weight of its shrill left-wing didacticism. (In one unintentionally hilarious scene, Murray’s dummy mysteriously turns into a Marxist in the middle of his act, warbling “The Internationale” to the consternation of stuffed-shirt nightclub patrons.) While Cradle Will Rock’s simple-minded politics polarized moviegoers, Tim Robbins’s grandiose ambitions were what attracted Murray to the project in the first place. As he explained to GQ magazine: “I see the script, and he goes, ‘Whaddya think?’ And I said, ‘It doesn’t have a chance. It doesn’t have a chance in hell, Tim! But you know what? I gotta like you for trying.’ Those are my people, you know? The ones who are going to crash and burn.”

  For the record, Murray did not do his own ventriloquism in the film, although he did dub the dummy’s voice and move his Adam’s apple along with the recorded dialogue. Hollywood puppet master Alan Semok constructed six identical dummies for Murray’s use and abuse, while ventriloquism coach Todd Stockman tutored Murray in the fine art of pretending to throw his voice.

  NEXT MOVIE: Hamlet (2000)

  CRITICS

  Murray has no respect for film critics, whose opinions he does not value and whose physical deficiencies he once likened to the grotesque effects of medical experiments. “I really hate critics,” he has said. “They’re usually wrong, and when they’re right, they’re right for the wrong reasons. When they do like something, they like it for just absurd reasons… . They imply that they know everybody when there are all sorts of people who won’t even talk to them and think of them as the sleaziest sort of person.” In a 1998 interview for Esquire, Murray recounted the tale of a New York Film Critics Circle Awards ceremony he once attended:

  “They called me up when somebody canceled two days before the thing and asked me to present some awards. So I went, and one of the funniest film moments I’ve ever had was when they introduced the New York film critics. They all stood up—motley isn’t the word for that group. Everybody had some sort of vision problem, some sort of damage—I had to bury myself in my napkin. As they kept going, it just got funnier and funnier looking. By the time they were all up, it was like, ‘You have been selected as the people who have been poisoned—you were the unfortunate people who were not in the control group that didn’t receive the medication.’”

  CROCKETT, DAVY

  As a boy, Murray enjoyed reading children’s biographies of Western heroes like Kit Carson, Wild Bill Hickok, and Davy Crockett. “I read them over and over, ’cause they were all poor kids when they started,” he said. “The book that made the biggest impression was the one about Crockett, because he ran away from home as a kid, pulled it off, and his parents missed him when he came back. That’s the kind of happy ending that sticks with me.”

  In a 2013 interview with Esquire magazine, Murray revealed that he had kicked his annual Christmas party “to a completely other level” by installing an alcohol-bearing ice luge in his home. The enormous ice sculpture, designed to resemble an Olympic ski jump course, was engineered to channel vodka to drunken revelers in the fastest and most efficient way possible. The spirit chills as it makes its way down the “mountain.” “You can put your head underneath it, like you’re guzzling gasoline, but we just fill shot glasses,” Murray enthused. The actor credits the vodka luge for adding much-needed “octane” to his previously dull holiday get-togethers. “The year before, people would leave at, like, two or three in the morning. With the vodka luge, they didn’t leave until five.”

  C-SPAN

  Murray is a devoted viewer of this public affairs television channel, created and funded by America’s cable companies. In a 2010 interview with GQ, he revealed that C-SPAN programs, along with sports and old movies, make up the bulk of his television viewing. One of his favorite C-SPAN moments occurred on November 4, 2008, when a candidate from Murray’s adopted hometown was elected the nation’s first African American president. “The night Obama won the election, C-SPAN was the greatest,” Murray said. “There were no announcers, just Chicago. It was just that crowd in Grant Park, and it was just fuckin’ jazz. You know, it was just, wow. And that’s my town, you know? It was just: ‘Oh, my God, it’s gonna happen! It’s gonna happen!’ You just saw the pictures of it, like, oh, there’s someone from the Northwest Side, there’s someone from the South Side, someone from the suburbs. It was the most truly American thing you’ve ever seen. Oh God, I get jazzed just thinkin’ about it. I don’t know anyone that wasn’t crying. It was just: Thank God this long national nightmare is over.”

  CUOMO, MARIO

  Three-term governor of New York whose tenure in office coincided with Murray’s rise to fame in the 1980s. Murray once appeared as a guest on the local New York City TV news program Live at Five on the same day as Cuomo and radio shock jock Howard Stern. The three men even posed for a photograph together. According to Murray, Cuomo insisted that Murray get in the middle of the picture so that he wouldn’t have to stand next to Stern.

  DALAI LAMA

  Tibetan spiritual leader whose fictitious golfing prowess supplied the grist for one of Murray’s most memorable speeches in Caddyshack. In reality, His Holiness does not play golf, has never seen Caddyshack, and claims to be ignorant of the rules of most competitive sports. In his youth, he did enjoy the occasional game of badminton and went through a brief but avid table tennis phase in the 1950s. In a 2014 interview, the Dalai Lama boasted that he had once defeated Chinese premier Zhou Enlai in a game of ping-pong.

  DARJEELING LIMITED, THE

  DIRECTED BY: Wes Anderson

  WRITTEN BY: Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola, and Jason Schwartzman

  RELEASE DATE: October 26, 2007

  FILM RATING: **

  MURRAY RATING: *

  PLOT: Three grieving brothers embark on a curry-scented journey of self-discovery.

  STARRING BILL MURRAY AS: The Businessman, a passenger to India

  Murray has a mostly silent cameo as a well-dressed train traveler in this self-indulgent fifth feature from director Wes Anderson. Anderson told Rolling Stone he modeled Murray’s character on Karl Malden’s traveller’s check–wielding tourist in a series of American Express TV commercials from the 1970s. For his part, Murray was intrigued by the offer of an all-expenses-paid trip to India on the studio’s dime. Scheduled for three days of filming, he completed his scenes in a day and a half and spent the next month visiting tourist sites. He later called the no-drama shoot “a great experience.”

  NEXT MOVIE: Get Smart (2008)

  DEAD ZONE, THE

  Murray was author Stephen King’s first choice for the lead role of Johnny Smith, a small-town schoolteacher with clairvoyant powers, in this 1983 movie adaptation of King’s novel. Producer Dino DeLaurentiis also wanted Murray to play the part, but Murray couldn’t fit the film into his jam-packed early-’80s schedule. Christopher Walken eventually got the role.

  DEATH

  As a young man, Murray kept a
large moose head on the wall of his New York City apartment as a reminder of his mortality. In 1984, he told an interviewer for McCall’s: “I once read: Whenever you sit down for dinner, if you pull up a chair for Death, he will finally come and you’ll be ready for him. That’s what I’d like to teach my son. Be ready for death. Treat every day as if it is your last day.”

  In a 2008 interview with the Chicago Tribune, Murray revealed that he would like to have his skull put on display after his death: “If I felt myself getting ill, I’d like to have that paperwork sorted out before I went to the end. I love the idea of my skull being somewhere. It’s not going to do anybody any good anywhere else. ‘A fellow of infinite jest’—that would be a great thing to be known as.”

  DEMPSEY & CARROLL

  High-end New York City stationery engravers whose products Murray has touted in interviews as the finest stationery in Manhattan.

  DILAMUCA, TODD

  Antic noogie-dispensing nerd played by Murray in thirteen Saturday Night Live sketches between 1978 and 1980. The character was originally called Todd LaBounta, after a high school classmate of SNL writer Al Franken. Murray was forced to change the name after the real-life LaBounta threatened to sue NBC. John Belushi was the first choice to play DiLaMuca but declined the part.

  DiLaMuca is the boyfriend of Lisa Loopner, played by Gilda Radner. The Nerd sketches were often used as a vehicle for Murray and Radner to work out issues in their on-again, off-again romantic relationship. In an interview conducted for the book American Nerd: The Story of My People, writer Anne Beatts revealed that Murray would occasionally leave telephone messages for Radner, saying “Todd called.” Beatts noted, “I think that mild sadism of Todd toward Lisa was a reflection of the dynamic of their relationship.”

  It was also a reflection of his suburban Chicago upbringing. Murray’s sister Laura once revealed to an interviewer that Todd DiLaMuca’s penchant for giving people noogies was based on her brother’s own adolescent proclivities. “We just couldn’t believe it,” she said of her family’s initial reaction to the sketches. “He was just in the kitchen giving us those, and now there he is suddenly doing it on national television and getting standing ovations. I actually felt sorry for those other cast members any time I saw him doing that, because they were painful.”

  DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS

  Murray was one of several actors considered for the co-lead in this 2010 comedy. Steve Martin, Robin Williams, and Sacha Baron Cohen were also up for parts in the film, which gestated for more than a decade before finally being made with Steve Carell and Paul Rudd as the titular schmegeggies.

  DIRECTING

  Most actors aspire to direct at some point in their careers. Murray is no exception. “Directing is where the action is,” he once observed. “It’s like being the catcher in baseball. I was the catcher when I played, and you were in on every play. You called every play.” To date, however, he has stepped behind the camera only one time, for 1990’s Quick Change, and that was in collaboration with his good friend Howard Franklin. Murray’s oft-stated aversion to hard work may have something to do with it. “It was like four times more work being the director,” he told an interviewer on the eve of Quick Change’s release. “You can’t even compare it. It’s just ridiculous. It’s the difference between being a child and being a parent.” After his debut opened to mostly favorable reviews, Murray expected to direct again. “I thought I would do it all the time. I thought it would be a regular thing,” he said. But he lost his yen to sit in the big chair after his proposed sophomore effort, Beat, went down in flames because of studio indifference. “I wrote a really funny script with my friend Mitch Glazer,” Murray told the Australian. “Disney said, ‘This is the greatest script we’ve seen in five years,’ then, three days later, went, ‘We don’t want to make that movie.’ It was such a low blow. It knocked the wind out of me.”

  DIRECTOR OF FUN

  Murray’s official title with the Charleston RiverDogs, the minor league baseball team in which he has had an ownership stake since the mid-1990s. Murray described his duties to the Boston Globe: “It means I have a portfolio. It means that if I’m arrested I’m to be taken to an embassy someplace. Like in a fun place. Monte Carlo or someplace where they have crimes of passion. I think then I have a chance of getting off.”

  DOGMA

  Murray was one of the finalists for the role of Cardinal Ignatius Glick, a cynical Catholic prelate, in director Kevin Smith’s 1999 comedy. Robin Williams and Chevy Chase were also considered for the part, which ultimately went to stand-up comedy legend George Carlin.

  DOYLE-MURRAY, BRIAN

  See Murray, Brian.

  DUMB AND DUMBER TO

  DIRECTED BY: Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly

  WRITTEN BY: Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly, Sean Anders, John Morris, Bennett Yellin, and Mike Cerrone

  RELEASE DATE: November 14, 2014

  FILM RATING: *

  MURRAY RATING: *

  PLOT: Two imbeciles travel the country in search of a kidney donor.

  STARRING BILL MURRAY AS: Icepick, a methamphetamine cook

  Unrecognizable in a gas mask and yellow hazmat suit, Murray has a brief cameo as Harry Dunne’s meth-making roommate in this sequel to the 1994 Farrelly brothers hit.

  DUTCH MASTERS, THE

  Murray’s high school rock band, which specialized in cover versions of the hits of the 1950s and ’60s.

  EASTWOOD, CLINT

  In the early 1980s, Murray briefly became fixated on making a film with Clint Eastwood. After seeing the 1974 heist thriller Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, Murray was particularly impressed with the way Eastwood allowed costar Jeff Bridges to steal so many scenes from him. “I could kill in one of those movies,” Murray concluded. “I could be great in one of those. There’s lots of fun action stuff to do. There’s some funny repartee. You get some jokes. The sidekick gets all the funny stuff. And then you get killed so that Clint can avenge you. And you have a fantastic death scene. I thought ‘This is brilliant. I want this gig.’” When Murray called Eastwood and volunteered his services, the Dirty Harry star offered him a role in a World War II comedy he was developing. But Murray, who had just made Stripes, feared being typecast as the “service comedy guy” and declined. The proposed Eastwood collaboration never came to fruition.

  ED WOOD

  DIRECTED BY: Tim Burton

  WRITTEN BY: Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski

  RELEASE DATE: September 30, 1994

  FILM RATING: ***½

  MURRAY RATING: ***

  PLOT: A chipper transvestite breaks into the movie business.

  STARRING BILL MURRAY AS: John “Bunny” Breckinridge, actor and bon vivant

  Murray lends panache to a somewhat nondescript supporting role in Tim Burton’s twee black-and-white biopic about the cross-dressing auteur behind such Z-movies as Glen or Glenda and Plan Nine from Outer Space. Murray plays Bunny Breckinridge, a midcentury California socialite who became part of Ed Wood’s entourage/repertory company. Murray later admitted that he accepted Burton’s offer to play the very fey—and very gay—Breckinridge without reading the screenplay. “And then I saw the script and went, ‘Oh, damn. This part is written nelly.’ I said, ‘The last thing I want is to be obvious, direct, and offensive.’”

  NEXT MOVIE: Kingpin (1996)

  800 NUMBER

  Since dispatching his agents in 2000, Murray is notoriously difficult to contact. He owns a cell phone, an old Blackberry, which he uses primarily to text his immediate family. But he doesn’t share the number with anyone outside his inner circle. Strangers wishing to get in touch with him are encouraged to contact one of those people and obtain his legendary 800 number, which terminates in an old-school voice mailbox that Murray checks only intermittently. The voice on Murray’s outgoing message is not his own. It is an automated response that has been likened to “some kind of SkyTel voice mail: ‘To leave a message, press five.’”

  When Murray does revie
w his messages, he quickly and unsentimentally deletes those he chooses to ignore. The overwhelming majority are pitches from filmmakers who want to work with him. “I just sort of decide,” he told GQ. “I might listen and say, ‘Okay, why don’t you put it on a piece of paper? Put it on a piece of paper, and if it’s interesting, I’ll call you back, and if it’s not, I won’t.’ It’s exhausting otherwise. I don’t want to have a relationship with someone if I’m not going to work with them. If you’re talking about business, let’s talk about business, but I don’t want to hang out and bullshit.”

  Convincing Murray to pay attention to your message is only half the battle. Putting a script in his hands can be just as arduous. Some would-be auteurs report being instructed to leave their screenplays in a phone booth near Murray’s home in New York’s Hudson Valley. Others have been told to fax materials in care of his neighborhood office-supply store. Still others are directed to one of several post office boxes Murray maintains around the country. A production assistant working with Murray on one of his films was ordered to call his 800 number and leave contact information for a phone she wouldn’t answer, so he could call back without having to talk to her.